goldenclothes | IC contact post!

Pardon me, is there a Ms. Reilanin Bainbridge available?

Yes, that would be me.

Ms. Bainbridge, my name is Harvey Swanson, I'm with the police. Tell me- were you downtown yesterday when the... the attack occured?

[ an uncertain hum. there's silence on her end, her body moving slowly, hand reaching out and picking up the cup of tea as the coffee machine sputters to a stop, listening to the voice on the other end.

there's another moment of silence before the cup slips through her fingers and slams onto the ground. three pieces- the cup in half and the handle skittering off under the refrigerator. the liquid's just barely stopped boiling, but she doesn't make a sound, even though she's spilled the majority of it on herself. ]

Ms. Bainbridge? Ms. Bainbridge, are you there?

[ a sound- a strange, soft sound, a whimper eeking its way out of her throat. there are more words, but they flow by without meaning. she stares at the puddle at her feet without seeing it.

ah... she knows this feeling. the world's stopped again.

the man is still talking. she reaches out blindly for the counter, and slowly slides to the floor. the phone comes away from her ear- she ends the call and lets the phone slip out of her hand. ]

[ The sharpness of the cup's fall makes Alex flinch. Startled, he whips his head to look at her, brows pinched together in concern and confusion, having already pushed himself up and off from the couch. ]

Reilanin?

[ Not paying attention.

Alex pads over to her, mindful of the pieces, and bends over her. Hand on her shoulder, he flicks a brief glance at the phone before looking at the side of her face. ]

Reilanin.

[ His voice is gentle, but steady. ]

Did you know?

[ hand still loosely clutching the counter, she sits more or less on her knees, hip leaning heavily against the cupboard door.

her voice is calm, her breathing slow, but careful. it isn't an accusation, though it might feel like one. she stares through him, some spot by his ribs, motionless with his hand on her shoulder. she doesn't feel like she's there, like his hand will pass right through her.

the phone rings again, but she ignores it. ]

Dad never comes into the city. And Matthias has school today.

[ they seemed like stronger arguments ten minutes ago. the phone stops and stays quiet. ]

[ Initially, it does sound like an accusation -- only because Alex has already entertained the possibility of injury and death -- but he doesn't take it personally.

The tips of his fingers curl into the cloth on her shoulder, responding to the phone's ringtone. He waits for the call to go to voicemail before doing anything else, then dips down to pick up the phone and sets it to silent mode.

Setting the phone on the counter, he starts speaking and crouching down in front of her. ]

But he came today.

[ she's never considered them coming here. her concern was always going home, bringing something with her, like a... a rabid dog. her being the cause of something irreversible.

there's no reaction to his touch- no, there is, it's just slow. she has to pull herself together, she thinks, she can't be the one to fall apart. if she does, then who- ]

The car was flipped. Crushed. There were others. People. Cars. [ factual. she's giving him a report, even as her breath hitches. no, this shouldn't be so difficult. another deep breath. too deep. ] All the debris- it must have taken more time to find them. I could have found them. If I'd stayed.

[ she's breaking up, but she can't. if she does, then who...?

ah, she realizes. there's no one to keep it together for anymore. there's no one. ]

If I'd... w-worked ha-harder... I-I worked s-so h-hard to k-keep them safe...!

Edited 2014-03-30 21:26 (UTC)

[ He's no stranger to this position. He's had to console all manners of distraught family members and friends of a patient. He's had the shield of distance, lacking familiarity with the grieving party, to keep himself intact.

Reilanin is a little different. He knows her. He doesn't know her family, but he knows her. She is a friend. The distance is less. His heart constricts for her in a different way.

Briefly closing his eyes, he inhales deeply and drops his knees from a crouch to a kneel. He wraps both arms around her smaller frame. ]

It's not your fault, Reilanin.

[ the floor's wet. the tea isn't hot anymore at least, barely even warm. he brings her in, and she leans on him, but- there's no energy in her to do anything else. ]

It's not- it's n-not supposed to- to be this way. They were supposed to- supposed to stay away. We would- we would fight this thing, f-figure out what was going on, s-stop it- go back to n-normal-

[ tears. she can only blink, which only seems to make them run faster. she sobs, terror welling up inside of her chest ]

It can't. It can't now! Even if everything goes back- they're gone, they're gone...!

[ it hurts, every word hurts- she feels like retching with the pain. fault- no, she just wishes it were her fault. there was nothing she could do about this. everything was out of her hands.

her forehead presses against his shoulder, and her hand on the counter drops, catching on his arm around her- she grabs onto it, nails digging in, the only contact she makes as she starts crying in earnest. ]

[ The hand on her shoulder was a start to find where her boundaries lay. She may be fine with him crashing on her couch and they may have had sex, but neither things automatically meant she'd want him to try and console her now.

Bolstered by her receptivity to the embrace, he lifts a hand to the back of her head and strokes it in what's meant to be a soothing manner.

He takes in a sharp breath when her nails dig into his arm, the points felt through his sweater. He holds her a little tighter, hand moving to her shoulder blade. ]

I'm sorry, Reilanin. I'm sorry. I know. It's not supposed to be like this. It's not fair.

[ rational thought and further implication have dissolved into incoherency for now- this is enough to deal with, years of stoicism and delayed grieving thrown away in a single moment.

there's no one to hold back for.

the phone goes off again, but only a slight vibration heralds it now, unable to make itself heard above her wailing. as his hand settles over her back, she shifts, arms finding their way around him, clasping him to her.

it slows. flushed and exhausted, she settles, all the tension of crying gone out of her. her hands slip down his back to his waist, then slowly pull back to her face to wipe at it. a sniff, a cough. a moment of silence. a groan. ]

I have to go down. Don't I.

[ her voice is rough and she coughs again. her hands drop into her lap and she breathes, her head resting still against his shoulder.

he's next, she thinks.

she'll be alone without him.

all those echoed memories that had nothing to do with her now have her one stop closer to that thing. she shudders without saying anything more. ]

[ What's happened to her is a very real fear Alex has possessed since he became aware of what his inclusion in the "Numbers Club" meant -- that his family would somehow be drawn in as innocent bystanders, much in the same way Paul Ben's family had been murdered to cover up a singular death.

He sympathizes for Reilanin heavily, but he is also reminded to be so damn grateful that his family lives out of the state. That may not cut the risk of their involvement entirely, but it certainly lessens it.

As her sobbing slows down and her shoulders shift, he loosens his hold and brings a hand to lightly cup the back of her head again. ]

Eventually. Do you want me to go with you?

...eventually.

[ it's all she can muster right now. the phone will ring again soon enough, she knows. everything sounds muffled, dampened by Alexander's closeness. she sniffs helplessly, torn between wiping her nose with her wrist or let it be. sleeve wins out.

there's a small pause, and she laughs. a short burst, a shaky 'ha!' that lifts her shoulders, and then nothing.

earlier's optimism- any of it- is long gone. already her mind is focusing on what's changed, what needs to happen next.

so many records. paperwork. clearing the house out- oh god, she thinks, selling the house. lawyers. family from overseas that she hasn't seen since her mother died.

and then what? ]

Ahhh, this can't be real...

[ another laugh, sharper than before. she clamps down on it. bitterness she can deal with. hysteria she will not allow. ]

Can you... can you get me some. Some tissue, or something. Please?

Sure. [ Barely more than a breath.

He retrieves the small box of tissues, but has a second thought and sets them back down. Instead, he tugs a few tissues out, then returns to Reilanin's side and holds one of down for her to grab. ]

Come.

[ she's a little less hesitant in wiping her nose on her sleeve when he's walked away, and she continues to sit, only then noticing the sting from the hot water.

it's already healing. she holds on to the sensation, dull as it is.

when he comes back, she looks up, wiping her fingers under an eye, taking the tissues and balling them up unconsciously at the command.

her first instinct is to stay right there. then she nods, lips thinned out in a concerted effort to keep from making anymore sound, and reaches up unsteadily to the counter, to try and pull herself up. no more strength. but she keeps trying until she's on her feet. walking, though. maybe not. ]

[ He reaches out to hold her hand, then leads her to the couch. He doesn't bother pulling the cover away from the seat, but rather sits down and, releasing her hand, pats the space beside him -- an encouragement for her to do the same. ]

[ she does. once she got up, all of her usual stubbornness bled out of her, any will to argue his kindness.

she sits, slow but accepting. she feels sluggish, unconsciously leaning against him, overwarm and tired. she presses her hands to her cheeks briefly, taking a breath through her mouth, wiping her hands away, pushing her hair back.

the motion slows over her ears and she sighs, letting her hands fall away. she'd forgotten that change. her worrying before had distracted her.

she'll feel ugly about it later. ]

[ He wraps an arm around her shoulders and lets her lean against him. If she feels overwarm, then perhaps she'll find some comfort, however small, in his coldness.

There is nothing he could say that would make this any better. He's been through this enough times to know when to speak through actions rather than words. ]

[ it is welcome. she'll warm him up in no time but for now, the initial chill makes her feel a little better. she has the tissues now, and she sniffs, putting them to her nose and holding them there for a moment.

he still smells like sleep. still in his pajamas. she'd already gotten up and done things, the morning is almost all used up, but it doesn't even seem to matter now. she just wants to go back to bed and crawl under the covers again. maybe she'll wake up and things will be different.

another sniff. she's been thinking that for months now. ]

Thanks.

[ rough, barely audible. a hand slipped behind him to hold herself a little closer, but it bunches in his shirt briefly, a sudden fear of him moving away from her before she quells it. it'd be just her luck, she thinks. ]

[ Eyes closed, he reaffirms his presence with a brief squeeze and lets his head fall against hers. ]

Mmhm.

[ fresh tears come, painful and burning. they don't lost long. she doesn't have the energy or the focus for them. ]

I'm... sorry. I have so much to do, but I- [ does she, really? she felt like she did when she woke up this morning. ]

...is it all right if I just... go back to sleep?...

Of course. Here or your bedroom?

Bed. [ there's no hesitation there. ] I just- I just want to go back to bed.

[ out of the living room. too public, even with just him there. too exposed.

she hesitates, steeling herself to stand, a hand on his leg, the other on the arm of the couch, dragging herself up through the thick atmosphere. ]

[ He rises with her, supporting her with one arm, and walks her to her bedroom. Once she's in bed, he sits on the edge of it, palm flat on the mattress, torso twisted to face her. ]

Do you want to be left alone?

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